I have a very good friend who I meet with every week for breakfast. We have lost track of how long this has been going on, but it is probably close to 25 years. We have been good friends for over 40 years. Some days we talk about sports or current events, other days our topic is family situations, both difficulties and blessings. Other times we discuss Scripture we’ve been reading or a spiritual encouragement we’ve received. But there are times when we just need someone to whom we can vent if life is pressing in. I trust him. Our conversations stay with us unless we are discussing them with our Lord in prayer. I can’t tell you how important this man is in my life.
The life choice we are discussing this week is not often listed when you Google “Spiritual Disciplines”. However, it is vital to the health and spiritual growth of a man pursuing a strong relationship with Jesus. If I had to give it a name, I would call it “Spiritual Friendship”.
By the way, this differs from what we have often referred to as accountability. I am not criticizing the practice of an accountability partner. These two activities have a lot in common. However, the way accountability partners have been promoted in the past leaves out an important first step. To truly have a dependable partnership, there must be a deep level of love and TRUST built between you and your friend. Too often, churches or men’s groups simply “match up” men to pray together before this trust is built. In these circumstances, we may hold back or even bend the truth a bit to save face. I could never lie to my buddy; it would tear me up inside and he would know!
The Word is very clear on establishing this need. Jesus gathered twelve men to himself to walk through three years of intense training and hands on ministry. But something else took place in that group. Some strong relational ties were established. This is seen most clearly after Jesus was taken to heaven. Many of these men continued to work together to fulfill the mission God had given to them.
One of the most notable passages that speaks of this need is in Proverbs 27:17, As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. God created us to be supportive of each other. We are the Body of Christ. The hand needs the eye. The foot needs the ear. We are also referred to as the Family of God with God as our Father. This speaks to the closeness that we can attain with others in the Family.
When we agree we need that person in our lives whom we can trust unconditionally and who will have our back no matter what, the next question is how do we get there? There is no quick fix. It will take time. There may be some trial and error. But the key is to at least try. Make a list of Christian men (never a woman, not even your wife) with whom you already share some part of your life; an extended family member, neighbor, co-worker, hunting partner, golf buddy, etc. Choose someone from the list with whom you would like to deepen your relationship. You don’t need to tell them your purpose, just work from your side to spend more time together. As you do, purposefully deepen your level of conversation. If they appear comfortable with this, they may be someone with whom you can continue to build. If not, try someone else. Again, this could be a long process, but it is very worthwhile. Don’t get discouraged. God will direct you to the right person if you are in a spiritual place to hear his voice.