I had a friend during my teen years that had suffered a rough childhood. His mother left the family when he was very young. As a teen, he had no memory of her at all. When he was still a small child, his father also abandoned him. Although he knew who his father was and saw him from time to time, he had no emotional relationship with him. Having been abandoned by his parents, his older grandparents assumed the responsibility of raising him.
This act of love and sacrifice was a noble decision on their part. Unfortunately, it also came with some negative consequences. He was raised as an only child since their own children were adults. Because of his unfortunate beginnings, he was doted on by his grandparents and given everything he wanted. They felt sorry for him and wanted to “make it up to him” for having been rejected by his parents. Sadly, this upbringing made him a very selfish teen and adult.
Despite his selfishness, he was very gregarious and had a great sense of humor, which made him fun to be around. But there were times, his selfishness was tough to deal with. When our group would go out and “split a pizza”, he always took more than the rest of us and never paid his share of the tab. When he started dating, he often expected more from the girls than they were willing to give. After he was married with children, his selfishness destroyed their family and he actually ended up doing time in prison.
This is an extreme story, but it comes with a challenge to check our hearts and actions against the truth of God’s Word. Being a man of God does not mix with a selfish attitude. In Romans 12:3, Paul rights, “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.”
WARNING: This is an area of our lives in which Satan can act very subtly. We must be careful not to simply declare ourselves to be unselfish and move on. Since this is often a behavior that can be learned incredibly early in our lives, it may be so much a part of our thoughts and actions that we are not aware of it. Watch your life carefully. Do you often come out ahead in a situation at the expense of someone else? Are their times people express a concern that you will come through with a promise you’ve made? An even harder diagnostic tool would be to directly ask those with whom you are closest. Do your family or good friends see selfishness as a personality trait?
The reason this sin is so devastating is because of the potential it has to keep us from accepting God’s grace. Our salvation is based on that grace being activated by our faith. Faith is believing in something yet unseen. If we demand to have all our wants fulfilled in our timing, we may find the grace of God disappointing if it doesn’t match up with our expectations. This will be a direct attack on our faith.
If you find selfishness in your life, confess it! When you confess it, turn from it! Determine to allow the grace and love of God to be sufficient in meeting your needs. A practical method of attacking selfishness is to focus on being a giver. Follow the advice of Scripture and always find ways to put the needs of others ahead of your own. You will be amazed at how quickly God can heal the hurt of selfishness and increase the joy of giving.