I am not a psychologist or even a trained counselor, but my ministry does require me to deal with the life problems of people from time to time. Because of this, I have done some study into some of the characteristics God designed into us at creation and how the arrival of sin into humanity has tainted those characteristics.
I have discovered that in our creation, God has designed women with a need for security and men with a need for significance. In a perfect world, this plan was practical and meant to strengthen the relationship of man and woman. When a man provides for his family and loves his wife as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25), she feels safe and protected in the relationship. Her response is then to appreciate and honor her husband (Ephesians 5:22), allowing him to understand the important role God has given him and appreciate his significance.
Unfortunately, when sin entered the picture, this method of mutual strengthening of each other was messes up. Conflict in relationships causes a loss of security and significance and therefore, feelings of discontent and division.
As men who are pursuing the sacred role God has given us as leaders, we can do our part to overcome the impact of sin and to restore God’s intended purpose in our lives. We do not neglect our need for significance. In fact, since this is part of what it means to be created in the image of God, we need to pursue the fulfillment of this need. The secret is to find our significance through the appropriate source. We cannot control the responses of others. We may do a phenomenal job in our employment and still be ignored by our superiors. We could excel in our hobbies and athletics and go unnoticed. We may even be great husbands and fathers but our family fails to recognize our efforts. This DOES NOT mean we lessen our diligence in pursuing excellence in these areas. It does, however, mean that we should not depend on people to respond in ways that make us see our significance.
The Holy Spirit of God provided the answer to meeting this need of significance in our lives when he inspired the Apostle Paul to write these words in Galatians 2:20, I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. This does not sound like a great idea. Crucifixion is ugly and painful. So let’s start from the end and work back. Jesus suffered a literal crucifixion to glorify God by providing a means for our redemption. This ultimate sacrifice shows how much God loves us and how significant we are to him. God so loved me, that a relationship with me was worth the sacrifice of his own sinless Son.
Therefore, when I choose to accept this demonstration of love through an act of faith, Christ lives in and through me. The God of the universe, lives in me. All I must do is submit my will to live a life that reflects this truth on a moment by moment basis. I then have the benefit of being dead (crucified) to the sin that causes pain, and free to live in the wonder and awe of being a child of God.
By choosing to live this truth out in my relationships, I open the door for others to see Christ in me and honor him for the work he has done. This may lead to them showing me the respect and appreciation I hope for. If not, it doesn’t matter because I am receiving all I need from Christ. Try it, it works!