NOTE: Some did not receive this post so I am resending it.
This week’s post will continue our discussion of reconciliation in the process of restoration when one has fallen into moral sin. Reconciliation is simply the means of repairing a relationship to the level it was before the offence was committed. This process begins with confession and repentance that brings reconciliation with God. This leads us to the need to accept this forgiveness and restoration with God that will allow one to be reconciled with themselves. The final step in the reconciliation process is to work to restore our relationship with people who have been hurt by our sinful decisions. This may be a long and difficult process as it is not only dependent on the one seeking reconciliation, but also the acceptance of the one who has been hurt.
The place to begin is in seeking the forgiveness of the people who suffered because of your sin. This will take some time and reflection. Obviously, the place to start is with those closest to you. This may be a wife or other family members who have dealt with the consequences of your poor choices. Seeking forgiveness from someone close to you is very similar to seeking forgiveness for God. Confession and repentance are necessary. It is important that the sin is owned. There are two critical points here. The first is that you seek God’s discernment in what is shared in the confession. Specific details of your sin may only serve to cause pain to the one with whom you are sharing. However, failure to “come clean” with them could breed continued mistrust. There is no hard and fast rule to determine what to share. Starting with a general confession may be enough. However, if they seek more information, you will need our Lord’s wisdom to decide how much to share.
The second hazard to be aware of when seeking reconciliation with someone close to you is to avoid making excuses. In other words, you need to take full responsibility for your own choices and actions. The temptation is to try to pass the blame in order to take the heat off from ourselves. This could be statements like, “I have been involved in internet porn, but it wouldn’t have happened if you had been more sensitive to my physical needs.” As a Christ follower, we have access to the fruit of God’s Spirit in our lives. Paul gives us this list in Galatians 5:22-23, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness,23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
These qualities of God’s Spirit that he offers to us are for our empowerment to avoid sin. The means that regardless the external circumstances, we have no excuse for our bad decisions. Beyond this, God has also given us this promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13, No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. Bottom line, our failure is on us and any attempt to spread the blame will only serve as a hinderance to true reconciliation.
Next week, we will continue our discussion of the responsibility to seek forgiveness of those hurt by sin.