As was mentioned last week, the elements of restitution for those harmed by our sin will be as varied as the people involved. Each situation will need to be dealt with individually. This may require the involvement of a third party to assist you in making these decisions. This person may be a counselor, pastor, or close friend. Although the wounded people will need to be consulted, they should not serve in the role we are talking about.
What we will discuss, then, is some general thoughts to help us in determining what restitution needs to be made. First, I want to reiterate that the only thing we “owe” to God is a genuine heart of remorse and repentance. Jesus paid for our restoration with his life, and we have nothing but our commitment to him to offer in return.
Some of the decision concerning needed restitution will depend on the sin involved. If it is participation in pornography, there is nothing to do for the people who are used for this purpose apart from avoiding it in the future. Pornography is not a victimless offense. Each time it is viewed, even if it is “free”, the provider is paid for advertising. Many of the people depicted are either forced to be involved of are in such personal difficulty, they feel there is no other opting. The best you can do for them is to not support the industry.
With an immoral relationship with another person, you must accept that they are a victim as well. Even in situations where there is mutual consent, immoral activity makes promises to them that you cannot keep if you are to honor God. The first cost is the ending of the relationship. This is required if true repentance takes place. This could cause the pain of rejection and betrayal. The best restitution is an apology and a clear understanding that the relationship will not resume. If you feel God’s directive that the apology should be in person, never meet with them alone. This is where a Pastor of trusted friend should be involved again. Your spouse or a hurting family member are not good choices for this role. It may be best to offer the apology in writing. When offering the apology, do not try to spread the blame. Although another person is involved and may have initiated the relationship, as men, especially men wanting to serve our Lord, we have the power of God available to say no to temptation and sin. If we fail to do so, it is on us.
We mentioned briefly last week that there may be times when restitution needs to be offered to the Church. In situations where the sin is private, there is no need to bring it before the entire body if it is confessed before the Lord. If it is more public and has brough disrepute on our Lord and his church, a public apology may be called for. This is a decision that should be made in consultation with the Pastor and leadership of the Church. Obviously, the most difficult yet most important consideration for restitution is with our family. We will complete this discussion with some suggested guidelines for this next week.